Credit Crunch Supper No.1: Pork Osso Bucco with Risotto

This meal costs about 6 pounds for two people. And it's so fucking delicious. You'd pay at least twelve per portion for it at Carluccio's. Osso Bucco is a lovely cheap and flavoursome cut from the shin of the pig. It takes about two-hours fifteen minutes or so, but the majority of that can be spent watching a film. I watched Max Ophuls' 'La Ronde'. Chiefly so that I could use the pun; 'You are Ophuls, but I like you'. Remember, you can watch any film, up to 90minutes. It doesn't have to be pun-friendly, though this does help in the retelling...

Ingredients:

1 Onion
2 Fingers of Celery
Three prongs of garlic.
A good inch of Chorizo (Ideally Piccante)
4 Pork Osso Bucco (about 3 pounds at Waitrose, since you ask)
Two tins of tomatoes.
Some Parmesan
Some Butter
Some salt and pepper.
A lemon.
A ladle. (To taste)

In a thick pan, with a lid, ideally a Le Creuset bastard, fry, on a medium to high heat, in olive oil, some roughly chopped wadges of chorizo. Try to get them to stick to the pan, but not blacken.

Reduce the heat.

Add some more olive oil.
Add finely chopped onions, garlic and celery to the whole shebang. Stir around and let them brown off for about 5 minutes. Turn everything out onto a, I don't know, plate?

Increase heat. Place your Osso Bucco into the pan. Leave them be for about 4 minutes or so- you want them to colour up. Like Robert Downy Junior, only more tasteful. Turn the little Robert Downey Junior's over. Let them brown on the other side. After 5 minutes or so, turn them out onto another thing. Anything flat, really.

Turn the heat right down.

Here's the vaguely complicated bit; you want to deglaze your pan; pour a dribble of hot water in the son of a bitch and let it fizzle. Stir frantically. Add about half a pint or so of water to the pan and continue to stir. Then pour out the (hopefully) meat-brown liquid into a jug or anything, really.

Okay. You might want a cup of tea now. Or a piss. Do it, no one's watching.

Put some fresh olive oil into the pan; put it on a medium heat. Add the Osso Bucco, add the the mirrepois (that's what the french call finely chopped onions and celery). Add to this the two tins of tomatoes. Increase heat and bring pan to a kind, but not overbearing, bubble. Once done, reduce to lowest heat. Put on the lid.

Now is the ideal opportunity to watch a film. As this meal is pretty much Italian, I would suggest Umberto D. This film is 89 minutes, which is ideal.

After an hour. Pause the film. Isn't the dog cute?. Anyway. Remove the lid from the pan. Go on, fuck off back to your film.

Once it ends, run back into your kitchen. Put the pan of meat-water into a saucepan. Add another pint to it and bring to the boil. Reduce to a simmer. Put a couple of slices of lemon into the meat-pan.

In a totally different pan on a medium heat put a big dollop of butter. Scoop out, from the other pan, a ladle-full of onions (if some tomato and chorizo comes along for the ride, that's just fine by me) and put in pan with the butter. We're making risotto; Pour some risotto rice into the pan. You be the judge of how much. But 2 mugs full should be okay. Stir the risotto about in the pan to cover it in butter. Now you know the drill; Add a ladle of liquid from the pan and stir it about, ensuring rice doesn't burn against the bottom of the pan. Once the liquid has evaporated, add another ladle-full of meat-water. You will probably need to do this for between twenty and thirty minutes. It's fun, though. You know it's ready when it no longer tastes like uncooked rice but, instead, tastes like risotto.

Turn off the pan with the meat in it. Add salt and pepper to taste. Remove two of the Osso's and put them on a plate. Put a little of the onion mixture atop them.

Turn off the heat under the risotto pan. Add another dollop of butter and some Parmesan shavings and stir excitedly. Add salt to taste. Add a fork to taste.

Ladle some of the risotto onto the plate with the meat. Do a fucking dance.

Retire to your dining room and watch a comedy show whilst you eat. I watched an episode of Peep Show, but you could watch Seinfeld or Arrested Development. It's totally up to you really. But it should be one of those three.

If you have any questions please leave comment and I'll be onto you like a ton of bricks, as my old P.E teacher used to say, in a totally different context.

Okay, see you soon.

Your Obliging Blogger